I had a hard few days with the stress of moving and all. The moving went well and we are now settling into the place for the next couple of months.
Also a few things relationship wise between the boyfriend became up as a stresser.but we have since worked through it. Its not issues with him it’s more of outside stuff effecting our relationship. But I know that he is the most amazing guy I have been with so far and to me he’s worth it.
My lady and I have been able to bond and connect on a whole different level. Spending more time together and shifting our energy into a positive outlet has been very helpful for us. Allowing our relationship to grow deeper together.
And I’m finally feeling settled in what I want in my life. I know how to make it all happened now I just need the time to make it all happen.
I will admit in this blog I’m not as zen like as I look like in pictures. I’m annoying most days, a pain in the ass, anal, and so focused on my dreams that it seems like I’m not paying attention to what’s going on.
I will admit I fall in love much too easily. That I might be way too easy in the bedroom. And that might all be because I look for any attention from men and it’s not all the positive type. I admit I blame the over sexual situations on my “daddy issues”. I admit I just don’t want to take responsibility for thinking the sex will keep a man around. I admit when those relationships end I know it was mostly because I was too easy. I also admit I make the same mistake with the next guy.
I admit that I don’t think anyone is good enough for my ex-husband. Even though we can’t be together and that we weren’t meant to be together other than to help each other though the journey of being a army family and of course to have these amazing kids doesn’t mean I don’t want anything less than happiness for him. I give him a hard time and push his buttons on purpose to hurt him like I’ve been hurt. Of course making it hard to be friends or co-parent.
I admit I think that I’m a better parent than my ex husband. That when the kids are with him I think he’s washing my good parenting down the drain. And I admit I cry everytime they have to spend the night with him and it kills me when the kids say they miss him. I admit that I wish the kids could see the neglect he did in the past with them and make him own up to his mistakes instead of treating him like he could do no wrong.
I admit I push the ones that love me the most away because I sometimes don’t know how to love back appropriately. I admit I try to make them hate me so I don’t have to deal with the disappointment of them leaving me. I admit I like to say everything happens to me when really I create most of these situations and when they end poorly I blame others.
I admit I’m not perfect. I admit I’m hot headed, strong willed, always right even when I’m not, determined, and as foul mouthed as a sailor.
I’m a yogini which means I love yoga and I’m a teacher. But nothing about me is the yogi lifestyle. I admit am jealous and envious of what others can do. I admit I lead with my body more than with my heart and mind. I admit I’m a mess.
I admit I know there are things I need to change about myself. And admitting is the first step in changing the parts of you that create harm in others lives. I wouldn’t be a good wiccan if I didn’t realize that I’m manifesting alot of negative so I must start except and start trying to bring more positive in my life.
I admit this is the first time I have been honest about alot of this.
So if you didn’t know toya and I are back together. We have decided to work us out for the sake of our love for each other and for our family. So in lude of this we decided to come up with our own 60 day challenges we call #60daystoatotaltransformation. You can find it on instagram and Facebook. I’m going to be posting our journey. Here is our challenge:
We are day 6 and I have been writing our positivity talks done. I’m on day 7 of being back on paleo and toya is on day 6. I feel like we are getting more in touch spiritually as well. It’s become amazing closeness together in our relationship.
I did some kids yoga with the kids last weekend.
And did some acro with toya
And I have been doing yoga everyday apart of my 60 day challenges and these mini challenges for 30 days.
Beyond that I have been thinking about how deep I want to go with this blog. I think as a person I want to be open and almost in a way naked on here. Be myself and show you all of me. No part of my life will be off limits. So with that being said I want to say that I’m a bisexual whose polyamorous. Now what does that mean for all you who don’t know? I’m a person that has a big heart to have many loves. Currently at this time I am with my lady Toya but there will be moments where I could have a boyfriend as well. So that is all of me.
I’m open to all of the universe’s opportunities.
Experience life, love more, and be happy. Till next time
Today I have decided that no matter what happens in my future I’m letting the universe decide. I have had a lot of stress trying to be able to figure out certain parts that will be changing in the next couple of months. Jobs, moving again and finding our place here. But I am letting go in knowing that there is a bigger plan for me and our family. That I just need to let go and enjoy the ride. So just breathe and forget the rest.
In other news I decided to get back on my body shots for the month. Here is july’s.
I admit looking at April’s pictures I look way more fit body wise so now that is my motivation to get it in gear because if only 3 months I back slid into all kinds of terrible food. Regards was I have a plan and I’m going to stick with it because my is a huge goal of mine.
I’m also doing some 30 day challenges to see if those actually work.
And bringing back the posture of the month that I will be working on is called fallen angel. I can’t wait to get started on this.
(Picture from there Facebook of the 4th of July class)
I’m also back on my yoga everyday :). And I found a studio that I love. A hot yoga studio called Younique Yoga in Cedar grove, NJ. I’m in love with this hot vinsaya studio. All of there teachers are so knowledgeable They also have kind and playful spirits. It makes me feel free in every class I have been in so far. So if you ever get a chance to check it out by all means do so 🙂
(Me mediating in my car after work)
Lots of love, peace and happiness to all of you and don’t forget to follow me on:
exactly one year ago I decided to say I’m going to live my life the way I wanted to. and say screw it to the in the box thoughts of what a mother should look like or how I should live. I threw that word “should” in the trash and just started to live. I went from yoga 3 days a week to 7 days a week because it made me feel good, added the gym 3 times a week because I wanted to get my sexy back , got a tattoo and my tongue pierced in the same week because I wanted them for years and I was too scared. I’ve never looked back since. Don’t let the fear or the expectations of others ruin your life you only have one to live so live it on your terms 💙💜💛💚
Well I wrote a whole long post and it disappeared come on WordPress your killing me 😠.
Moving on here is the recaps you guys missed during my disappearance.
1. My lady and I broke up for 2 weeks due to somethings that came to light that happened early in our relationship. It caused alot of hurt and distrust for me. And I took 2 weeks alone to get to the place where we needed to be to fix this between us. Almost 6 years together isn’t something you can throw away. She had been my biggest cheerleader and so supportive of my decisions.
2. I graduated!! I went back to tn for my graduation last weekend and had so much fun taking classes, going out with my girls and graduating. It made me miss my community so much though. My yoga family has been through a lot with me and it’s completely insulating without one here.
Size medium baby 😉
Hugs from my gurus
My sanskit name
I did it!
Me and my yogini Gen. Who I would call super yogi. Turns out she thought that same way about me. I love her.
3. I have been a hot mess eating wise due to my home situation. Which I haven’t brought up on the page on Facebook. Being with my family living wise has become very stressful and super depressing to me. I miss my life in tn. I’m in the works of creating new opportunities for myself in order to heal my broken spirit.
4. I have 4 months till my weight loss journey has been a year. I need to lose my last 27lbs and few inches. Before November 9th. I have lost 90 lbs and 15 inches so far. I know I just have to push more, eat cleaner and no more excuses with this.
Me in size 10 jeans now!
I love all of you that read my rambling of a yogini. Till next time and I promise to be more often. 😄