Confessions

I will admit in this blog I’m not as zen like as I look like in pictures. I’m annoying most days, a pain in the ass, anal, and so focused on my dreams that it seems like I’m not paying attention to what’s going on.

I will admit I fall in love much too easily.  That I might be way too easy in the bedroom. And that might all be because I look for any attention from men and  it’s not all the positive type. I admit I blame the over sexual situations on my “daddy issues”. I admit I just don’t want to take responsibility for thinking the sex will keep a man around. I admit when those relationships end I know it was mostly because I was too easy.  I also admit I make the same mistake with the next guy.

I admit that I don’t think anyone is good enough for my ex-husband.  Even though we can’t be together and that we weren’t meant to be together other than to help each other though the journey of being a army family and of course to have these amazing kids doesn’t mean I don’t want anything less than happiness for him. I give him a hard time and push his buttons on purpose to hurt him like I’ve been hurt. Of course making it hard to be friends or co-parent.

I admit I think that I’m a better parent than my ex husband.  That when the kids are with him I think he’s washing my good parenting down the drain. And I admit I cry everytime they have to spend the night with him and it kills me when the kids say they miss him. I admit that I wish the kids could see the neglect he did in the past with them and make him own up to his mistakes instead of treating him like he could do no wrong.

I admit I push the ones that love me the most away because I sometimes don’t know how to love back appropriately.  I admit I try to make them hate me so I don’t have to deal with the disappointment of them leaving me. I admit I like to say everything happens to me when really I create most of these situations and when they end poorly I blame others.

I admit I’m not perfect. I admit I’m hot headed,  strong willed, always right even when I’m not, determined,  and as foul mouthed as a sailor.

I’m a yogini which means I love yoga and I’m a teacher.  But nothing about me is the yogi lifestyle.  I admit am jealous and envious of what others can do. I admit I lead with my body more than with my heart and mind. I admit I’m a mess.

I admit I know there are things I need to change about myself. And admitting is the first step in changing the parts of you that create harm in others lives. I wouldn’t be a good wiccan if I didn’t realize that I’m manifesting alot of negative so I must start except and start trying to bring more positive in my life.

I admit this is the first time I have been honest about alot of this.

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Till next time

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