Many loves many lives

I’ve been in a expanding and my thoughts to be my most happiest self. A current topic that keeps crossing my mind is introducing lovers in addition to my gf and my bf. I’ve started to move to the mind set that there is alot of love to be had in this world. And I don’t want to not be able to try and venture out. My life nor my love should have limitations.

As of lately I ended up in the hospital due to a staph infection in my middle finger.I was in there for 4 days. I was so drugged and off of paleo bc of the pain. During that time my boss dad who had cancer died. The day after I got out of the hospital I was at the funeral and the wake. It was so touching how my boss and his family took me in like I was one of them. We laughed and cried. It was so touching and I feel blessed to know them. It only reminded me that I don’t have that with my actual parents. But Regardless I will always be there for my kids so they will never feel the lack of support I have with my family.

For the last few weeks I reconnected with a ex named K. He was a childhood relationship. He’s ended up being a big support for me for the last few weeks. It’s been really surprising that we still have so much in common and the connection is still there. I want to explore that further. I’m pretty sure when we reconnected neither one of us thought this would end up being anything but just a hi and bye conversation. But I believe there is nothing random about people in your life. He was put into it for a reason to remind me how I feel about him.

I have been rocking my yoga challenges and I started the whole life challenge. Which is 55 days but I’m going to keep going as long as I can. I haven’t fallen off so far and I’m on day 8. I. The norm I would have fallen off already. So woohoo me.

Lately I have been really into mediating out my conflicts. This has been helpful since it’s been keeping me from loosing myself in anger. Although I completely lost my cool on the bf and the nonsense he’s been putting me through for the past few weeks. I stayed silence and hopeful that all that would get better. And he mostly felt it wasn’t something of importance to change or rather work through. So I exploded on him because he was taking my kindness for granted. We ended up fighting all weekend because he was trying to pacify me instead of coming up with helpful ways to fix the problems. It’s created dishearting feelings for me with our relationship. The point is I need to be respected, loved and honored as I do to all my partners and he hasn’t been doing the same.

Till next time
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Confessions

I will admit in this blog I’m not as zen like as I look like in pictures. I’m annoying most days, a pain in the ass, anal, and so focused on my dreams that it seems like I’m not paying attention to what’s going on.

I will admit I fall in love much too easily.  That I might be way too easy in the bedroom. And that might all be because I look for any attention from men and  it’s not all the positive type. I admit I blame the over sexual situations on my “daddy issues”. I admit I just don’t want to take responsibility for thinking the sex will keep a man around. I admit when those relationships end I know it was mostly because I was too easy.  I also admit I make the same mistake with the next guy.

I admit that I don’t think anyone is good enough for my ex-husband.  Even though we can’t be together and that we weren’t meant to be together other than to help each other though the journey of being a army family and of course to have these amazing kids doesn’t mean I don’t want anything less than happiness for him. I give him a hard time and push his buttons on purpose to hurt him like I’ve been hurt. Of course making it hard to be friends or co-parent.

I admit I think that I’m a better parent than my ex husband.  That when the kids are with him I think he’s washing my good parenting down the drain. And I admit I cry everytime they have to spend the night with him and it kills me when the kids say they miss him. I admit that I wish the kids could see the neglect he did in the past with them and make him own up to his mistakes instead of treating him like he could do no wrong.

I admit I push the ones that love me the most away because I sometimes don’t know how to love back appropriately.  I admit I try to make them hate me so I don’t have to deal with the disappointment of them leaving me. I admit I like to say everything happens to me when really I create most of these situations and when they end poorly I blame others.

I admit I’m not perfect. I admit I’m hot headed,  strong willed, always right even when I’m not, determined,  and as foul mouthed as a sailor.

I’m a yogini which means I love yoga and I’m a teacher.  But nothing about me is the yogi lifestyle.  I admit am jealous and envious of what others can do. I admit I lead with my body more than with my heart and mind. I admit I’m a mess.

I admit I know there are things I need to change about myself. And admitting is the first step in changing the parts of you that create harm in others lives. I wouldn’t be a good wiccan if I didn’t realize that I’m manifesting alot of negative so I must start except and start trying to bring more positive in my life.

I admit this is the first time I have been honest about alot of this.

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Till next time

Stress and 3 weeks to come up with a plan

So I know I have been missing for a few but I had alot of stressful thing pop up due to our living situation.  I have till the end of the month to either get a place for us here so the kids can start school or let them start school in ct and transfer them when I get us a place here. So decisions and stress have definitely been occuping our minds.

I also got a new good job. Pays well too I just have to get our lives together.

Meanwhile I have been doing yoga challenges and posting them on my
Fb page and on instagram.  Follow them if you want to see what I’m up to I have 4 to do every day for the month of August. 

Also I met an amazing guy. So we will see where the journey goes with that.

Love you guys

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Becoming more open and honest

Hello my loves and welcome to my weekly recap 🙂

So if you didn’t know toya and I are back together. We have decided to work  us out for the sake of our love for each other and for our family. So in lude of this we decided to come up with our own 60 day challenges we call #60daystoatotaltransformation.  You can find it on instagram and Facebook. I’m going to be posting our journey.  Here is our challenge:

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We are day 6 and I have been writing our positivity talks done. I’m on day 7 of being back on paleo and toya is on day 6. I feel like we are getting more in touch spiritually as well. It’s become amazing closeness together in our relationship.

I did some kids yoga with the kids last weekend.

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And did some acro with toya

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And I have been doing yoga everyday apart of my 60 day challenges and these mini challenges for 30 days.
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Beyond that I have been thinking about how deep I want to go with this blog. I think as a person I want to be open and almost in a way naked on here. Be myself and show you all of me. No part of my life will be off limits. So with that being said I want to say that I’m a bisexual whose polyamorous. Now what does that mean for all you who don’t know? I’m a person that has a big heart to have many loves. Currently at this time I am with my lady Toya but there will be moments where I could have a boyfriend as well. So that is all of me.

I’m open to all of the universe’s opportunities.
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Experience life, love more, and be happy. Till next time

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Let the universe lead you

Today I have decided that no matter what happens in my future I’m letting the universe decide. I have had a lot of stress trying to be able to figure out certain parts that will be changing in the next couple of months. Jobs, moving again and finding our place here. But I am letting go in knowing that there is a bigger plan for me and our family. That I just need to let go and enjoy the ride. So just breathe and forget the rest.

In other news I decided to get back on my body shots for the month. Here is july’s.
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I admit looking at April’s pictures I look way more fit body wise so now that is my motivation to get it in gear because if only 3 months I back slid into all kinds of terrible food. Regards was I have a plan and I’m going to stick with it because my is a huge goal of mine.

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I’m also doing some 30 day challenges to see if those actually work.
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And bringing back the posture of the month that I will be working on is called fallen angel. I can’t wait to get started on this.
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(Picture from there Facebook of the 4th of July class)

I’m also back on my yoga everyday :). And I found a studio that I love. A hot yoga studio called  Younique Yoga in Cedar grove, NJ.  I’m in love with this hot vinsaya studio. All of there teachers are so knowledgeable They also have kind and playful spirits. It makes me feel free in every class I have been in so far. So if you ever get a chance to check it out by all means do so 🙂

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(Me mediating in my car after work)

Lots of love, peace and happiness to all of you and don’t forget to follow me on:

https://m.facebook.com/mariposayogi

http://instagram.com/sundara_soma

https://mobile.twitter.com/mariposayogi

And sundara_soma on twogrand

Living on your terms

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exactly one year ago I decided to say I’m going to live my life the way I wanted to. and say screw it to the in the box thoughts of what a mother should look like or how I should live. I threw that word “should” in the trash and just started to live. I went from yoga 3 days a week to 7 days a week because it made me feel good, added the gym 3 times a week because I wanted to get my sexy back , got a tattoo and my tongue pierced in the same week because I wanted them for years and I was too scared. I’ve never looked back since. Don’t let the fear or the expectations of others ruin your life you only have one to live so live it on your terms 💙💜💛💚

I’m back

Well I wrote a whole long post and it disappeared come on WordPress your killing me 😠.

Moving on here is the recaps you guys missed during my disappearance. 

1. My lady and I broke up for 2 weeks due to somethings that came to light that happened early in our relationship. It caused alot of hurt and distrust for me. And I took 2 weeks alone to get to the place where we needed to be to fix this between us. Almost 6 years together isn’t something you can throw away. She had been my biggest cheerleader and so supportive of my decisions.
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2. I graduated!! I went back to tn for my graduation last weekend and had so much fun taking classes, going out with my girls and graduating. It made me miss my community so much though. My yoga family has been through a lot with me and it’s completely insulating without one here.
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Size medium baby 😉
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Hugs from my gurus
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My sanskit name
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I did it!
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Graduation headstands!
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Me and my yogini Gen. Who I would call super yogi. Turns out she thought that same way about me. I love her.

3. I have been a hot mess eating wise due to my home situation. Which I haven’t brought up on the page on Facebook. Being with my family living wise has become very stressful and super depressing to me. I miss my life in tn. I’m in the works of creating new opportunities for myself in order to heal my broken spirit.
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4. I have 4 months till my weight loss journey has been a year. I need to lose my last 27lbs and few inches. Before November 9th. I have lost 90 lbs and 15 inches so far. I know I just have to push more, eat cleaner and no more excuses with this.
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Me in size 10 jeans now!

I love all of you that read my rambling of a yogini. Till next time and I promise to be more often. 😄